WHO WEARS THE PANTS?

I recently watched one episode of the popular Netflix series “The Crown.” it aroused within me a common tension I observe in many relationships about who's in charge or who wears the pants!

It was awkward to see a headstrong Prince Phillip, bristling at constantly having to walk several paces behind his bride while grappling with feelings of inequality and powerlessness in his new marriage to Elizabeth, the Queen of England

So, who's is in charge in your relationship? Is there one who seems more powerful or dominant, pulls rank, exerts control, or acts like the boss?  Ideally, no-one should be the boss in a marriage. Yet no matter how much we talk things through and try and work them out, we sometimes find that we have different ideas about "who should be in charge" and when. 

Leadership does not mean "wearing the pants" or "being the boss." Leadership simply means, stepping forward and “taking the initiative” to highlight or raise ideas and discussions on important topics and decisions that have to be made. Research proves that the most successful relationships are those in which both partners treat each other as equals. Your relationship is most healthy when both of you are willing to receive "influence" from each other. 

When one spouse dominates a relationship, that dominance creates damage and dysfunction. While it’s true that some personalities are naturally dominant, it’s important to recognize that it isn’t always the louder or stronger personality who exerts power and controls the relationship.

In some relationships, one person tends to be more childish, and the other more parental; or one more submissive and the other more dominating. Individuals are often drawn to these roles on an unconscious level, but some people engage in these, in an effort to control their partner. 

It's OK to have a dominant personality - but you have to learn to subdue it. It's OK to have a yielding or submissive personality - but don’t abdicate your responsibility to take the initiative or exert healthy influence when it’s needed. And when you don't get way, don't think that elusive behaviors such as giving the cold shoulder, storming out, or falling apart, will get you what you want.

In the spirit of love, unity, and equality, initiate conversation and speak up about what you want and that which is important to you. Accept influence from each other and in doing so, you’ll offer each other new possibilities while creating a long-lasting relationship where both of you are happy and fulfilled.