IF LOVE FEELS A LITTLE EMPTY

I’m sure by now, you’ve heard of “The Five Love Languages”. Yet could it be that you’ve overlooked or forgotten them, and are not expressing love in a way your partner will best receive? Perhaps as a result, your relationship feels a little mundane, empty and romantically dry.

Over two decades ago Dr. Gary Chapman identified 5 languages of love that couples commonly use to either convey love, or feel love, yet knowing these is not the same as practicing them. Your partner will have one predominant way they like to receive love and a sometimes a secondary one. Often your partner may have a preferred way they wish to receive love, with a different manner of expressing love. So what are the particular expressions of love that will make you and your partner feel satisfied, loved and fulfilled? Maybe its time to refresh the love languages, practice them, and get that spark back into your relationship!

1.  Words of affirmation: being complimentary or encouraging.

2.  Quality time: giving undivided attention.

3.  Gifts: giving or receiving thoughtful gifts regardless of their value. 

4.  Acts of service: doing or fixing things in unexpected and helpful ways

5.  Physical touch: frequently expressing non-sexual as well as sexual affection

We need to be reminded about these because it’s too easy to resort to what is easiest for ourselves by offering or expressing love to our partner in a way that we most like to receive it. My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation so its easy for me to think my wife will best receive love this way too. (Surely what works for me, will work for her, right?) Oh, no! Her love language is quality time and acts of service which is a long way from what comes most naturally to me.

To avoid emptiness in the relationship it’s necessary to identify your mate’s love language and learn how to speak it. Hence, over 4 decades of our happy marriage, we’re still having to refresh the priority of expressing our love languages so that each other will feel valued in the relationship. When we do, the good spark’s fly!

For your consideration, I’ve added two love language ideas of my own to the list. Let me know what you think!

6.  Nourishment: the bonding act of preparing and serving food. Personally preparing a meal is very different and carries more weight than getting takeout and handing a bag to your partner. When you’re preparing food it’s an expression of your own person and an expression of how much this other person means to you. You’re thinking about their unique tastes, preferences, and desires, with the end goal of making your partner wholly happy with a customized experience. It conveys the message that “You’re important to me, I’m caring for you, I’m providing for you.”

7.  Nurture comes in two forms: Firstly by helping nurture them to personal health when they are ill, discouraged, anxious or fearful. And secondly by offering experiences and opportunities to grow, develop, and expand. This could be through travel, trying different things, but also through sharing your wisdom, vision and throwing out challenges to them

Go on, you can do it! Keep loving your partner in ways they will feel most satisfied and fulfilled.

We are for you!