BANISHING YOUR RELATIONAL CLUTTER
As a couple, we’ve been working on downsizing our possessions and it feels so good. Marie Kondo in her Netflix series “Tidying Up” has popularized the transformative effects of de-cluttering which is all about keeping what makes you happy while getting rid of the excesses that get in the way of you having space to breathe and move forward.
Perhaps there are unresolved conflicts, negative feelings, regrets and relational hurts with your partner and they’re still hanging around in your thoughts. Like the clutter of old things pushed to the back of your closet, you’ve stored them up, waiting for the day they might apologize or when you’ll feel like you can forgive.
Maybe the best time to downsize is now. These debilitating feelings need clearing out because they are compressing your mental freedom, making you angry or vengeful and taking up valuable space in your heart. If you knew the transformative freedom and joy you can feel when you take the courage to release these thoughts and feelings of the past, you would do it right now.
Emotional de-cluttering is done through the act of forgiveness. Nothing is as powerful as forgiveness, but this is not firstly a “feeling,” it’s a “decision” that leads to getting free of the pressure. That decision comes easier and doable when you follow some simple steps for forgiveness. You are not expected to deny what was done to you, bur rather make an internal choice to recognize how your wounded self is causing you to hurt yourself and often hurt your partner through inappropriate responses stemming from your offence.
In our coaching sessions, we have led numerous couples through simple steps which include each partner acknowledge the pain the offense has created, then offering or accepting a deep heartfelt apology and an offer to make it right. When this happens we see immediate transformation, peace and happiness return, replacing the unbearable weight of hurt and anger that has held them hostage to the events of the past.
We would be delighted in one session, to coach you through these steps, for you to be free of the emotional clutter of resentments and experience the healing and lightness of a truly free life.
Here’s how to reach out to either of us…
Mark Smallcombe mark@marriagecoach.co 415.407.7494
Gail Smallcombe gail@marriagecoach.co 415.407.7495