WHY YOU SHOULDN’T COMPARE YOUR LOVE TO ANYONE ELSE’S

Let's face it. We live in a society where comparison is common. We compare our appearance, income, status, worth, personality, experiences, and opportunities - or the lack of them. We even compare our Instagram likes and Twitter followers! But comparing often leads to dissatisfaction, especially when we start comparing our partner or our relationship with others, or to past relationships. Comparison steals joy.

Truth is, there’s never been a relationship exactly like yours and there’s never been a love exactly like yours…and that makes you incomparable! Your relationship has the opportunity to become uniquely wonderful

Over-comparing is toxic because it puts you in the mindset of being sad over what you think you don’t have, instead of appreciating what you do have. Comparing your relationship is the easiest way to make it fail. So what should we do? 

Firstly, it helps to be realistic about others and their relationships. Getting upset at your partner because they don’t do things or express love the way others do, may suggest you are not seeing that others have their painful struggles, their ugly moments and the many things they too need to work on. Every relationship has faults.

Secondly, don’t forget the great things about your partner and what drew you to them in the first place. In coaching sessions, I often ask couples the question, “what was it that first attracted you to them?” “What things did you discover about your partner that made you want to explore a deeper relationship with them?” This immediately refocuses couples to think more positively and appreciatively about what they have in each other

Comparing causes you to forget the good and start focusing on the negative. The only time comparing relationships is a good idea is, if someone else’s relationship reminds you what a great partner you have

Thirdly, if comparison is causing a growing lack of respect and value for each other, try framing your request (without judgment or comparing), in way that will make your partner respond positively, such as saying: “honey I feel so loved and important to you when I don’t have to compete against others for your time and attention. The gift that means most to me, is when you and I just hang out together”

To conclude, the only couple you should try to be better than, is the couple you were yesterday